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Prevent the Bastardy: Marry for the Sake of the Children

Domenick J. Maglio, Ph.D. Neo-Traditionalist

Fifty years ago many married couples began to reject the notion of staying together “for the sake of the children.” Today we have moved far down the slope of casual divorce, According to an Associated Press article “Record Number of Babies Born to Unmarried Women”, October 29., 2005, 35.7% of women having children are not married. This means three children out of ten of all children born do not have married parents. People are losing their courage to commit. Thus we are becoming a bastardy nation.

It is true, illegitimacy has nearly lost its taboo in our more tolerant society. Most of us would not specifically mistreat a person due to his selfish parent’s marital status. This sentiment was expressed in the 1970s “under the equal protection under the law” provision where the Supreme Court ruled that children born out of wedlock are entitled to the rights of inheritance if paternity can be ascertained. The advent of DNA testing has eliminated any arguments concerning who is the father although significant problems remain for children born out of wedlock.

According to Jennifer Roback Morse in an article entitled “Saving Our Children From the Experiment”, orthodoxy.org. The children of unmarried parents have more difficulties. They have poorer health, lower birth weights, are more likely to have accidents, mental health problems including depression, substance abuse and suicidal tendencies, have lower educational level, are more likely to drop out of high school and find it difficult to form life-long relationships themselves.

The cruelty towards these children falls squarely on the shoulders of their unwed parents who are unwilling to commit. Too many people want to have “one foot in and one foot out.” They believe in the pleasure of sex without taking responsibility for the possible result of having a child. Even when couples are cohabiting and have a child together, they are not bothering to get married. The excuses for not legitimizing their intimate relationship are pathetic. They range from “we want to save money before we get married” to “we want to be sure before we commit” to “why mess up a good thing?” to “we don’t need a piece of paper to live as father and mother to our children,” to I don’t want to be ‘owned’ and lose my personal freedom.”

The change in attitude towards marriage can be traced to the 1960s counter culture revolution. The Women’s Liberation movement shouted that being a housewife was a form of slavery while being a husband and father was portrayed as being a boring, boneheaded abuser of women. The emphasis on the family was transformed to emphasis on the individual creating the “me generation”. “Doing your own thing” meant becoming less responsible to others, especially one’s own family.

The only problem with these 1960 self-centered attitudes is that one or both of these immature parents is not concerned with the impact on the children. A young child will probably not realize his parents are not married until he begins to attend school. When the schoolmates point out the fact of the child having a different last name from the parent the questions begin.

This awareness can be delayed for many years. Friends of mine informed their eleven year-old son that they were married five years after he was born. Even though these were his biological parents who were now married, he was shocked. He felt they did not do the right thing for him and get married before he was born.

Whenever the child realizes his parents were not (or are not) in a sanctioned relationship he feels less valued than one who has the name of his parents. There is resentment towards the parent’s cowardice for not taking the important little step to legitimize and honor his birth as well as that of his siblings. From to the child’s perspective the parent’s unwillingness to marry has a negative impact on him.

Parents who choose not to marry cannot honestly justify their decision on the basis that there is no longer a stigma to not marrying. “Shacking up” is not tolerated in all social circles. When the offspring meets a potential mate it may be awkward to inform his future in-laws that his parents were never married. It may create an issue for the illegitimate child when he wants to marry someone whose parents values a person’s pedigree.

Raising children in a healthy marriage does not guarantee healthy children although it increases the odds significantly and eliminates many unnecessary problems. For the sake of the child and the family, marry the father or mother of your child. Children are a blessing worthy of giving up some personal freedom. Growing up (maturing) for the sake of a child is our duty. It will create a more stable and fulfilled life for everyone, parents and child. We cannot all “do our own thing” without a breakdown in the social order.