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Closing the Gap in the Split Plan Child Rearing

Domenick J. Maglio, Ph.D. Neo-Traditionalist

“Don’t talk to your sister like that.”

“Take your hand off the TV dial.”

Almost every child a couple of generations ago thought their parents had eyes on the back of their head. The reason for this great surveillance power was simply homes with a close floor plan.

Before the recent housing boom children had no desire to be their “own person”. They knew whatever they did or said would be instantly known by their parents. There was little opportunity to get away with much in the non-split plan or otherwise called “fully occupied floor space.”

As the number of children in the family decreased, wealth went up and modest homes were replaced by “Mc-mansions”. Modern homes are poor for supervision of children ands great for getting away. The parents have the master bedroom on one side of the house and the children’s bedrooms are on the other side usually with a large space occupied by the kitchen, dining area and living room in between. The split plan allows the parents to get away from the on going noise of their children. It is a floor plan and life style that does not take into consideration the security and developmental needs of the children.

Kids are not born knowing how to make good choices. As young children they explore their environment. Through trial and error they learn biting a sibling, climbing the stairs, jumping off the couch, sticking fingers in the fan can be dangerous activities. Children as young as ten-years old are presented with other types of dangers in these large homes supposedly secure in gated communities. Their isolation from direct supervision increases their opportunity to explore cyberspace. They unwittingly provide too much personal information on My Space attracting pedophiles or pass their time addicting themselves to video games. gambling or pornography. The lack of frequent direct interaction with their parents makes it easier for them to slip into a drug culture.

Modern parents have a false sense of security with monitors placed in certain rooms and home security alarms. Observing something on a tiny screen on the other side of the house might be too great a distance to take corrective action. In the rare case of fire or robbery or a kidnap attempt having children in eyesight is better than having to cross to the other side of the house.

Most importantly, split-plans rob both parent and child of spontaneous interactions that are immeasurable in shaping the child’s behavior and belief system. In concrete terms, learning language, emotional appropriateness, potty training take many teaching moments to be effective.

The following are suggestions to modify the potential dangers inherent in the split-plan.

  • Have the infant’s crib in the parent’s room.
  • Place the toddler child in a playpen for short intervals when working around the house and not directly observing the child.
  • Set up a play area in the living room so the children will always be in eyesight.
  • Use the living room as a living area.
  • Don’t buy into the entitlement of a child to have a TV and computer in his bedroom. Keep computers and televisions in the common living area, not in the child’s bedroom, to make monitoring them possible.
  • Do household chores together with the children.
  • Limit the use of cell phones only for emergencies not socializing.

It is not possible to reconfigure the rooms of your home but it is possible to compensate for the deficiencies by rearranging your thinking. Children need intimate contact with their parents not a separate existence. They are not entitled to a private apartment as young children. There are too many negative choices existing in our culture. Parents have a responsibility to shield their youngsters until they have the necessary maturity to make good decisions.

Bigger is not always better. By parents being there in the home involved with their child they close the gap of the split-plan without having to physically move the rooms closer. Closeness between children and parents fills the vacuum of any modern upscale home.