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The Enraged Children of Modern Parenting

Domenick J. Maglio, Ph.D. Neo-Traditionalist

Modern parenting has changed the way we view authority figures When our parents and grandparents were in school the teachers had the parents on their side. Today's parents usually defend their child against the teacher when obviously the child is wrong. This is one of the results of our modern permissive materialistic approach to child rearing. Children have been given more power than highly regarded authority figures.

How can this be? Today's permissive parents often note their children's willfulness first hand, yet appear to suffer amnesia when speaking to other authority figures about them. In fact, the child disrespects the parents in the same manner as he does the teacher or other authority figures. Nevertheless the response of the parent is feigned surprise or indignant denial when the child blatantly disrespects them in public.

Obviously the parents know their child's negative side and appear to want to minimize it so their reputation as parents will not be tarnished. These parents view their child's inappropriateness as "kids will be kids" rather than an opportunity to correct their child's behavior. Instead of demonstrating their disapproval of their child's misbehavior, the parents say "they don't act like that at home". They are happy because the child acts cute by smiling on cue. They are happy because some peers like their child enough to stay over night at their home. These insecure parents act as their child's defense attorney exploiting any weakness in the authority figure's account and rationalizing their child's undeniably negative behavior.

In reality, today's misguided parents even interfere in their child's squabbles with other children. The parents directly speak to their child's friends in a punitive manner to protect their "too precious" child instead of allowing the child an opportunity to develop coping skills by fighting their own battles. There is no discussion or investigation with the child's friends, just an impulsive response to protect their darling- right or wrong.

This compulsive protective urge is seen not only within our educational institutions, but also with adult-supervised team sports. Parents yelling at other children on their child's team or even the coach because they feel their child is not being treated fairly has become a common occurrence. These parents disregard their limits as interveners in the world of their child. Therefore how can we expect the child to have limits?

It is easier to blame authority figures and their child's peers rather than require their own child to be accountable for his own actions.

It is easier to defend their irate child when he is wrong than to confront him and correct him.

It is easier to allow the child to stay up late, go to unsupervised parties, and allow the child to do anything she pleases than to confront the child with the word "no".

It is easier to "sweep everything under the rug" than to take systematic action to regain control of one's child.

Permissive materialistic parents are doing their children a great disservice by supporting their child over the child's peers, the teacher, the principal or even the policeman at the door. This empowers the child to believe the parent will always be there to bail him out of trouble of his own making. As the child becomes more emboldened, getting into more conflict with authority figures, her rage towards her parents correspondingly intensifies. This unfortunate child has been allowed to believe that her parent's protective arm will be strong enough to stop all authority figures from administering consequences. When the child learns the reality of the shortness of the parental arm, first comes disillusion, then comes rage. In essence this "cover up" strategy will work for a certain amount of time, but inevitably will blow up in the family's face. This process will allow parents to project a healthy family image but will inevitably lead to an irresponsible life for their child.

A parent empowering his child to believe any action the child chooses, right or wrong, will be protected by the parent is a mean act. Eventually when authority figures set limits the child will react like he has always reacted by becoming enraged. The child might respond like a monster but he is not really the culprit. The underlying problem is the permissive materialistic approach to child rearing and the parents who blindly follow these counter intuitive destructive practices.

Thank God there still are parents who focus on discipline to gradually develop the character of the child. This process is not glamorous. It takes work. Consequences are meted out to teach the child moral lessons without concern for what the neighbors think. Parents following the traditional script empower their children to accept legitimate consequences and provide moral training to insure a responsible, dignified and successful life.