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Fear: The Great Motivator

Dr. Domenick J. Maglio, Ph.D. Neo-Traditionalist

Our PC culture has practically persuaded us that fear is “illegal, immoral and harmful.” However, a child without a healthy fear of his parents is a child without brakes facing life’s hilly terrain of temptation. Running into the road, taking the family money off the dresser, lying to teachers, bullying a smaller child are a few examples of a child who has not received a traditional dose of “do what I say, or else”. The “or else” is left to the imagination but the parent is obliged to dispense a significant consequence that puts feat into the heart of the child not to do it again.

Fear worked and still does work in preventing a child from doing something he thinks the parent would consider wrong and motivates him to do something right he would not do on his own. Fear of parents and other authority figures helps each of us to channel our energies into socially approved thoughts and behavior.

Fear is a basic emotion. It has existed throughout human history in many forms. Eliminating all forms of fear as a motivator is detrimental to the overall development of the individual. The child without fear of his parents wastes much time testing the limits. This leads to defiant disrespect of the parents and other authority figures. Not using fear to discipline a child removes the best motivator, a stick, from our traditional arsenal of the carrot and the stick.

A child who has no fear of his parents will have to be bribed to be motivated. The carrots (material rewards) have to be constantly upgraded to retain any level of motivation. On the other hand fear of punishment only costs the time and energy to show the child you mean business. Once the fear of disobeying the parent is firmly established it maintains its effectiveness with minimal effort.

The fear of losing your parent’s approval does not exist if you choose to use unconditional acceptance of your child’s behavior. A parent loses a major portion of his authority when he decides to be liked by his child. Committing ourselves to be a friend to our child is selfish. The child loses the lifelong benefits of fear applied by a loving parent. The child’s fear of disobeying the parent’s commands morphs into respect and desire to please them and other authority figures. The internalizing of parental discipline helps the child develop the competency he needs to reach positive goals. The fear of not becoming successful inspires us to do more of the right things while the fear of our parents stops us from doing the wrong things. Not using the natural power of fear to motivate and control children is producing lazy, out of control and depressed children.

We are living in a delusional time. Americans are under the myth of invincibility. Except for horror movies and roller coaster rides we have lost the feeling of fear in our daily lives. There is little fear for parents to be apprehensive about their children’s future. Our nation is peaceful and prosperous with most having more wealth than necessary. Any problems that arise in the family, parents have enough money to bail out the errant family member. Fear is a distant emotion to most Americans being the number one economic and military power in the world.

Fear is inevitable in human existence. Even if we could create a fantasy world where fear did not exist it would be detrimental to the development of character in a person. Learning to control one’s fears while tackling a task successfully develops inner strength. A person who has had fear of public speaking and works through it will have an easier time conquering the fear of speaking on the next occasion. The only way to minimize the possibility of fear is to limit ones exploration of the world.

We must maintain a delicate equilibrium between remaining in a stable supportive environment and overcoming ones fears. A balance between awareness of what you have and the dangers that exist in the world is necessary for being a highly functioning person. Realistic fears assist us in setting limits, protect us from foolish, risky behavior and create a sanctuary to rejuvenate ourselves.

Avoiding giving a proper dose of fear to help our children in facing their future is practically insuring them a life of failure. All of us have to learn to deal with our fears to overcome them. The training for this begins with our parents.

Modern parents instead of attempting to create an imaginary, blissful world for their children have to guide them through a reality pockmarked with stress, disappointment, illness, accidents and evil people. Taking away the great motivator, fear, from the lives of our children is a potentially disastrous action for our children, our families and nation.