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Real Presents

Domenick J. Maglio, Ph.D. Neo-Traditionalist

All year round children compile their birthday wish lists and anytime after the new school year begins they write their letters to Santa. Modern youngsters are assisted in the once simple endeavor by the genius of mass advertising.

"Robot Sapien", the new Play Station III, Packman interactive, mini motorcycles, Princess and Pauper Castle III and remote control helicopters are aggressively marketed while the children watch their favorite television shows. Many children are indoctrinated into believing the particular toy will make their lives happier. Parents go along with their childs dream list. The object may last for several hours until the remote breaks or several days or weeks until the magic wears off.

The teachings of our parents that guide us through life are the really meaningful gifts. The advertising for products that are obsolete as soon as the packaging is open does not compare to time shared with parents, grandparents and other relatives. Too many parents are forgetting the essence of their treasured memories.

Our cherished memories may be connected with a particular object like a bike though the majority of the gratitude is attributed to our loved ones. The memories are created by the love expressed through the person who bought or made it. In my case I have engraved in my mind my father holding the back of my bicycle seat to help me balance my bike as I learned how to ride. When did the items received replace the love expressed by those giving the gift?

No present can compare with the importance of parents doing their best in this sacred position.

Parents have the primary responsibility to raise a decent and successful child to adulthood. It begins with nurturing, necessary for the survival of the infant. The rapid development of the infant through his ever-expanding exploration of the world gives conscientious parents many opportunities to help their child become a high functioning, independent person. After the child refines the ability of movement the parents not only meet the nurturing needs but have the additional responsibility to begin the civilization process. The repeating of sounds to assist the making of understandable words, the demonstrating how to use eating utensils, persuading the child to eat all types of food and teaching the child to use the toilet are other aspects of this all encompassing, loving act of parenthood.

This intense training of the child is happening when parents are "taking care of business": cooking, cleaning, maintaining the home and the yard and making a living . Not only do parents need to juggle their time, they need to accept the loss of their individual identity from being Mary or Hank to becoming Johns mother or father and remain motivated to get off their chairs to correct their childs behavior. Emotionally mature parents realize that discipline is love and love is discipline. It is an act of kindness that requires children to reach adulthood before it can be appreciated.

Besides these labor intensive tasks parents have to be exemplary role models. By their everyday actions they have to portray compassion, honesty, respect, fairness, courtesy, charity, faithfulness to God and responsibility in everyday living. One of the most powerful messages my father gave me was going to work with third degree burns on his leg from a boiler exploding. Needless to say I personally have little tolerance for missing work for myself for any reason. Even the appreciation of things in nature like tiny flowers is passed from parent to child. Being a good parent is not easy. It takes work on many levels.

When we joyfully gather together opening our presents certainly we should savor the moment. Yet it has to be understood that it is not the beautiful, ripped-up wrapping paper or even the present inside the box that makes the memory. It is the significant long-term relationships with people who make the giving of the gift significant. The gifts are the memories and feeling produced by loved ones.

Spending the time and energy doing all the big and little things necessary to raise all around healthy children is the greatest gift a parent gives.